Thursday, November 8, 2012

On the Subject of Writing

Once upon a time I wanted to be a writer.

So I majored in creative writing. I got a degree in creative writing. And shortly after that, I told myself I wasn't good enough to be a write. And I'm sure God was like, "ARGH." To be honest, I'm still not sure I'll ever be a "writer." But.

My sister believes in me. And I have a spark. A desire. A longing you might say. In my heart to be a writer. And not just any writer. A good writer.

This is going to be hilarious. Go ahead. Start laughing now. Because you're going to. I'll get you started by saying it involves Twilight. Laughing yet? You should be.

After I read the Twilight series, I was SO motivated to write. Yep. Twilight motivated me to get back into writing. I was going to write a book. It was going to be HUGE. And then I decided I hated my subject matter and stopped. I also got pregnant. But that's besides the point.

So maybe that's what my blog wants to become. A little place for me to actually write. Even if no one wants to read it. (Except my sister.) Even if no one cares about it. Because that's not why I should write anyway. I write because I want to, because I need to, because it's a stress relief I forgot about.

Last night I was reading a journal I started for Sweet P when she was like, tinier than the tiniest speck. In fact, I think I started it the day after we found out. Sweet P was what we like to call a surprise (because she was no accident). The Farmer and I were newly married and we had this plan (insert God's laughter) to wait 2 years before having kids, and well, you know how it happens so I won't go into that. Because we were so newly married, I went through a storm of emotions (mostly, like this.."whoa.whoa.whoa. pregnant? whoa.") Anyway. Tangent.

I was reading the journal and crying and laughing and when I got to the page where I'd stopped, I turned the page and wanted more. I was so sad that I'd stopped. And I said, "Self! What were you thinking?!" (In case you're wondering, I updated frequently until she was 18 months old.) If you can do math, you know I'm 2 years behind.

And ordinarily I'd probably say "Oh well, ya know, I've missed these 2 years...I'll just put it back on the shelf. At least she'll have that much." Or I'd promise I'm gonna write every day for the rest of her childhood!! (which we all know won't happen). So, instead. I'm going to keep the journal on my bedside bookshelf and when inspiration strikes, I'm going to write to her. And then, I'm going to start a journal for Sprout. But is it weird that I think a girl will be way more into having a journal from her mom than a boy will? Maybe it's because I don't have a brother. I don't know.

So all this to say, that I miss writing. Like, reeeally writing - not just explaining how to do a craft (which is fun and fabulous, but lacking in substance).  I'm still not sure where my blog is going to go as far as topic and substance, but I'm working on it! And I'm writing. And I'm feeling it out. And so far. I like it.